After just a few years of parenting, I realized that raising a child never gets easier; issues just change. As a parent, we all try to make the best decisions for our child and family. At first, we decide whether to breastfeed, vaccinate, co-sleep, etc. – the list and decisions seems endless and overwhelming. When you are in the middle of the decision making process, it is critical to make the best choice you can. Then you move on to the next parenting decision that may affect your child’s physical, emotional, social and intellectual development for the rest of their life.
Early on, we noticed Mathew’s affinity for electronics. At 2 years, he removed all the fuses from the chiropractor’s table while I was getting an adjustment. He innocently handed them over to the chiropractor saying, “Here.” When visiting a friend’s house, whose daughter was the same age as Mathew, she commented that she wasn’t sure her house was “Mathew proof.” That became the theme of our lives, even to this day seven years later. At 3 years, he was able to operate the stereo, five-disc CD/DVD player, VCR and TV with ease. At 4 years, he decided to take apart my vacuum and successfully put it back together so it still worked, except it no longer stood up on it’s own anymore. One day I found him staring at the outside electrical wires to our house. I asked him what he was doing; he said, “I’m trying to understand how the electricity goes into our house. The wires from outside go into the attic but the circuit box is in the basement.” At 5 years, his toy drill no longer worked so he took it apart to fix it. He called me over and showed me how there was a break in the circuit and announced it was a fire hazard. These tales are mere snapshots of Mathew’s explorations into the electronic world. Without a doubt, Mathew is very inquisitive and explores fearlessly.
As parents, we have tried our best to feed Mathew’s insatiable desire to learn and explore. Nevertheless, we decided early on to limit Mathew’s screen time (TV, computer, iPads…). We wanted him to explore the tangible world and not get lost in the cyber world. When he was young, this was relatively easy. The fact that we didn’t have cable TV was very helpful, as we were limited to watching DVDs and videos at particular times of the day. When we traveled our screen time limits were rather lax because – hey, we’re on vacation. The funny thing is that we found that Mathew couldn’t handle the constant bombardment of visual stimulation from screen time. It tends to overload his brain; then he starts bouncing off the walls or as I say, “vibrates out of control.” It’s similar to a child who has had too much sugar or is over tired. He actually admits it and knows he can’t stop himself. In fact, he actually looks in pain when he tries to slow down. Our decision to limit screen time was validated and still feels like a good one. Therefore, we continue to limit his screen time. Something that was rather easy until this year.
Mathew is now in a mixed aged class of 9 to 12 years olds. Although most of the kids in his class have some limitation on screen time, almost all of them have either their own cell phone, iPod touch, Wii, DS3, PlayStation, Xbox, iPad, or computer; on top of that, they usually have cable TV, as well. Even though Mathew has access to an iPad, iPhone and computer, he feels out of the loop. It’s hard to believe he is actually out of the loop, as he talks “game talk” like a pro and we have not outlawed screen time, just put limits on it. Unfortunately, our rule “no screen time” when friends are over is very unique. Apparently, we are one of the only parents that do this. When Mathew goes to a friend’s house, he tends to play Minecraft, Wii or whatever for most of the time. We simply accept this. But our little rule means that Mathew’s friends may not want to come to our house. Aren’t play dates for socializing? Yes, I know there are always some houses that are more conducive to hanging out, as I definitely remember going to certain friend’s home because there was a lack of parental supervision. It happens. Nevertheless, all of this is forcing us to re-evaluate our rule surrounding screen time.
Parenting is very challenging. We must figure out how to balance our child’s needs and assist them so they can thrive in our world, which includes socializing. I am sure we are not the only parents struggling with this dilemma and we would love to hear how other parents are dealing with the electronic age that consumes us. It is clearly different from when we were growing up. Cable TV, Nintendo and Pong were just becoming the norm. Now, when you walk down the street people are more inclined to look at their phones instead of what’s around them. Nowadays, when parents take their toddlers to a discovery museum, most of them focus more on their phones then on their little one as they roam the exhibits. They no longer interact with their toddlers and use or notice the opportunities for teachable moments. How does this affect their toddler’s development and what kind of message does this send? When someone is out to dinner and their companion goes to the bathroom, 8 out of 10 times the person at the table picks up their phone. This attachment to the smart phone and social media is a false sense of intimacy. I want my son to have real life relationships, but wonder how we can nurture this within the parameters of our technological society. I would love to hear your thoughts, please share.
