Recently, Mike and I went on a much needed vacation and retreated into the southern Catskill Mountains. The majestic beauty reminded me of the time when I had asked the Universe for a change and got exactly that.
After doing a phone interview for a seasonal position at a wildlife sanctuary in Maine’s Northwoods, I received an offer and a 2-page list of all the responsibilities necessary for the position. Truthfully, I had no experience with more than half of the items on the list but accepted the position nonetheless, packed up my stuff, put them in storage and drove up to Borestone Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary sight unseen. Folks ~ it was the best decision of my life.
View from the summit of Borestone Moutntain.
When I accepted the position at Borestone Mountain my life instantly changed. I went from working with people in need on the streets of Newburgh, NY to Maine’s Northwoods. Instead of being surrounded by people, congestion, pain and helplessness, I was surrounded by trees, beauty, and the magic of nature. It was the perfect change for me ~ exactly what I needed.
Streets of Newburgh, NY
I answered an ad for Assistant Manager of Borestone Mountain Wildlife Sanctuary that was run by the National Audubon Society at the time (now the Maine Audubon is its stewards). I lived on top of a 1600-acre mountain with a naturalist and three interns in a cabin with no electricity and gravity fed water. I was not hired because of my Masters degree in Environmental Studies, although it didn’t hurt, but rather because of my work with the mentally ill. Among my numerous duties, the most important was that I acted as the liaison between the public and current manager. He was a very passionate man and a faithful steward to the mountain, but his people skills left a lot to be desired. Every year, before I arrived, the staff had abandoned the mountain before the season was ever over. After years in the military, he was used to giving orders and wasn’t able to support and communicate appropriately with previous staff. Something had to change, and that change was me ~ a tree hugging social worker.
There really are countless gifts that I learned and received during those six months but the best was becoming intimate with the mountain. Since there was no electricity (although I did have propane mounted lanterns, stove and refrigerator) my days started with the sun rising and ended within a couple hours after it set. Although the location was remote, Borestone was an annual destination for many families and day hikers. I heard countless stories of generations of families who made their annual pilgrimage there. Which is rather special since it is a fairly remote location. To give you an idea of how remote it was: Picture this ~ Mount Katahdin (Maine’s highest peak) is the terminus for the Appalachian Trail. Monson is the first town after the 100 miles of wilderness, which starts at Mount Katahdin. Borestone is 9 miles outside of Monson. I was really in the boonies. I heard more noise from prop planes flying by than cars.
Although the duties were numerous and often physically demanding, there were moments of great solitude and focus. Some days, when I supervised the Nature Center, hikers were few and far between. I would take these opportunities to sit by the dock and observe. These precious times allowed me to see the Red Spotted Newts mate. Later on, I was granted the pleasure of watching the brightly colored Red efts make their way out of their aquatic world to spend the next 2 years in the forest. I could sense their internal struggle as they floated on the edge between the water and shore, bobbing back and forth not comfortable with the change that was pulling them to the forest. Some would drift by the edge for hours. I could imagine their internal dialogue, “I must go into the forest but no, the water is my home, how can I leave, but I must…” It reminded me of all the people I knew fighting the change they needed for them to grow and thrive. Change appeared very difficult for the Red Efts. It was no doubt a life altering experience (for me as well as them).
Red Eft made it into the forest
I also had the honor of observing dragonflies releasing themselves from their aquatic exoskeleton; it was magical beyond words. The process took nearly two hours for them to emerge from their aquatic home. First, they found a place to anchor themselves (most of the time it was the side of the dock). Then they would break open their exoskeleton along their back and push out, at one point it would flip its body out, on top of its exoskeleton so that it ended up face-to-face with it. Once they anchored their new feet, they very slowly pumped blood through their body expanding their wings. They would then sit and dry in the sun and at the perfect moment take flight ~ yes, magical indeed.
Mathew on top of Borestone Mountain
Everyday I would hike to the summit to make sure all was safe and there were no issues. When I returned 18 years later with Mike and Mathew, I actually remembered certain rocks, lichens, moss, trees, bends in the trail and the feeling in bones of being in a magical land. All had burned an everlasting home into my brain. It felt like I was visiting old friends. Borestone Mountain was and is still a glorious sanctuary for life.
I am a planner, not a worrier and I was discussing this with my mother recently. She is a worrier and as she grows older, she worries more than plans. Although, she intellectually knows that worrying wastes time and energy and resolves nothing, she cannot help herself. I was a worrier in my teens and early 20s and it made me physically ill. In fact, my headaches got so severe, normal pain relievers wouldn’t do the trick. I ending up going to a neurologist and had a CAT scan that revealed nothing more than I was experiencing vascular headaches. My body was reacting to my over anxiousness and worrying. That’s the point when I chose to focus my energy on planning and being proactive. After some time, perhaps years (it’s easier to intellectualize than to put into practice), I didn’t worry about the things I couldn’t control, which are a lot. What I did was think about options or solutions to problems. For example: if I need to leave town, who will take care of Mathew while Mike works. It’s a lot like buying insurance, sometimes you need it, other times you don’t. I would rather invest my time in finding solutions than waste my energy in worrying. It alleviates the powerlessness and anxiety that worrying creates.